


Ass Knuckles

by PanPacificPines



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, Gen, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 16:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5423810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanPacificPines/pseuds/PanPacificPines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a title like "Ass Knuckles" do you really need a summary? Okay, fine. Twist my arm why don'tcha? Dipper and Mabel are on their way towards Gravity Falls for the summer and apparently Mabel got a strange message from their grunkle. In said message were mentioned the eponymous and aforementioned Ass Knuckles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ass Knuckles

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so people who follow me have had to wait too long in between real updates. Sorry about that! So here's a fake update to hopefully hold you over until the much longer things come out. There should be at least 2 real stories coming out this month! Promise!

“Okay, but what in the hell are ‘Ass knuckles’? anyway?” Dipper and Mabel’s feet made crunching sounds on the white gravel parking lot as they rounded the corner from the diner they’d just finished their brunch at. They’d set off earlier in the morning from Piedmont for their yearly trip up to Gravity Falls.

“I only know as much as you do bro. You listened to the message Grunkle Stan left like eight times so I dunno what you expect me to tell you.” Doors slammed and seatbelts clicked before the engine of their old pickup truck roared to life and sailed down the highway. They were only about twenty miles outside of the bizarre mountain town but the mutual decision was to get some real food before having to put up with coffee omelets and brown meat casserole for the bulk of the summer afterwards. A trunk full of long lasting snack foods would hopefully help them survive without ulcers.

The entire rest of the drive was built up with speculations about what they could be expecting when Stan reveals these ‘ass knuckles’ to them.

“Maybe he’s set up some kind of medical oddity display like the Mutter museum meets Ripley’s Believe it or Not?” Dipper suggested.

“Pfft. Maybe. Behold the man with knuckles for a butt!”  
“And the lady with a chicken for a head! And the kid with baby heads for eyes!”

“Behold, an irritable one eyed Dorito child!”

They jousted back and forth, trying to one up each other with each new suggestion.

Eventually the guessing game petered out when they approached Gravity Falls. Spotting familiar landmarks and telltale signs of supernatural creature activity was a regular pastime when they got to that point. Though it must have been burning a hole in Dipper’s head, because the first words out of his mouth when their Grunkle greeted them in the driveway of the Mystery Shack were “Okay, what in the hell is an Ass Knuckle!?”

“Heh. Okay kid. Jeeze, I didn’t realize you’d be this riled up about it. Come in, I’ll show ya.” The old man chuckled and waved them through the door. To their surprise rather than leading them to the display hall, to their horror and dismay he opened up the door to his room. Mabel pulled Dipper in front of herself for protection.

“Grunkle Stan, if you’re asking us for medical advice you really should just go see a doctor. Insurance really isn’t that expensive these days.”

“What? Relax Mabel, you’re gonna love these.” He slid open a drawer of his dresser and pulled out what at first glance might have appeared to be a pair of brass knuckles, if the light was dim enough, and the observer was cross eyed and looking in a different direction. “See! Ass knuckles!” He slapped his knee in laughter before giving the two a better look at his latest purchase “I got these on my last trip through Vegas. It was one o’ them shops that disappear ‘soon as you turn your back. I figure they’re just really good at packing up and getting the hell outta dodge before you can try to make a return. Which, of course, I respect. Good business practice.”

Mabel practically shoved Dipper aside to inspect the wondrous new things before her. They were Brass Knuckles alright, but mounted on top of each of them was what appeared to be a squishy rubber butt. A rather well formed lady’s butt at that, with the tops of the thighs and bottoms of the hips in the sculpt as well. The only difference between the two was that one was colored wearing a red thong and the other a blue one.

“This one is Sophia, and this over here is Daryl.” He kissed one and then the other as he introduced them to his grand niece and nephew. Mabel gasped in fake surprise “Darryl? I didn’t know you swung that way, Grunkle Stan!” She elbowed her brother to make sure he was in on the joke, though he was still half way through processing the sheer …well, whatever it was he was trying to process it was bound to be pretty sheer when he got to the end of it all.

“What!? No! Daryl with one R is a lady’s name! Y’know, she’s an actress. She was in that fish movie or whatever!”

“Pfft. Whatever you say, Grunkle Stan.”

“You kids are evil.” He said as his expression fell. “Go unpack your stuff. You’ve got an extra long shift starting bright an early tomorrow.”  
Dipper finally shot up at that comment. Sheer something-or-other could wait when hard work was on the line.

“But I didn’t even say anything!”

“And that’s even worse! Least your sister can crack a joke! Get outta here before we find out if these things squeak when you punch somethin’!”


End file.
